New Hope Church of Niagara

Pastor Thom Speaking 9:15 & 10:45

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Changed Lives...My Testimony, the uncut version ...Tim J.

What I’m going to share with you is my Testimony, the uncut version. That is, my story of how I became a believer in God and Jesus with all the details. I’ve only shared it publicly twice and the first time was at an event called Countdown 2000 spearheaded by Pastor in front of 2000 people. This was significant for me because I gained a massive freedom when I shared. And that experience reinforced what the bible says in John 8:32 “The TRUTH will make you free.” And I was made free by declaring publicly the TRUTH of who I was and what I did. By doing this I stopped the devil from whispering lies about my past life, it’s out in the open and there are no more secrets. But even more amazing was the freedom that came to others who heard my GOD storey. People, strangers came and told me, by hearing what GOD did in my life; it encouraged them to take a stand for GOD and it moved them to make right the stumbling block separating them from GOD. Freedom because of HIM in my life and this is my prayer for you; By the power of my testimony and the Blood of the LAMB you will conquer the evil one in your life and you will be made free in HIM. That’s GOD’s promise to us in Revelation 12:11.

My life started off pretty normally; in a lower middle-class family but behind closed doors a very dysfunctional family. I still say we put the “fun” in dys-fun-ctional. We were not church goers although I did hear the Name of Jesus Christ, usually when my dad’s form of communication turned from verbal to physical. Bonding in my family was fun. It consisted of suppressing any feeling of truth, pain and fear, but unleashing every negative thought.

Now, there was a time in my life which wasn’t long ago that I lived and thought the way most people in our world live and think today. Get smart, get a job, get rich and get happy. So I went to school, studied hard, got an education, and became self-employed, started to make some money and collected toys. And the world patted me on the back and said’ “it was good.” Doors opened up for me and my business started to grow and I made a little more money and life just seemed to get better and better and the toys just got faster and faster. Things got so fast, I was out partying 3, 4 times per week looking for that buzz of fulfillment and when that didn’t satisfy any more I started racing motorcycles trying to live that adventurous life of success. The world likes to convince us that life is all about image. The only problem is it’s a lie. There is only ONE who is TRUE but I was living the lie of maintaining the acceptable cool image. And I got good at living that lie, living in a life that wasn’t mine. But again the world said, “it was good.”

So I kept looking for ways to fulfill that unsatisfied emptiness inside.

That’s when something happened that greatly impacted my life.

I got my girl friend pregnant and this wasn’t part of the plan.

We decided not to take responsibility for the choices we made.

We decided in our intellectual wisdom to terminate the pregnancy, to abort our child, to murder another human being.

Our culture says abortion is O.K. and at the time I conveniently believed that lie as well.

The only problem was, my real me, my spirit, new differently. This feeling of disgust, guilt and condemnation festered inside me. It sucked life right out of me. It sat in the back of my conscience like a dark pit. No matter how I thought it through, no matter how hard I worked, or how fast I drove I could not out run the pain. Not to mention the guilt from the medical complications and physical pain that my girl friend went through.

With all this ugliness brewing inside I soon noticed that when the slightest thing didn’t go my way there would be stream of swearing and cursing under my breath but it didn’t take long before it was vocal. I was swearing with anger and contempt everywhere and to everyone. No matter who you were I started to hate. I soon hated me, my life, everybody around me. Too your face there was a smile but underneath rage. I would go days with feeling always hot from a racing heart; I could stand and break into a sweat because of the internal mental anguish. This became the normal way of life, which dragged on into months.

So I worked more to make more to spend more to satisfy the internal struggle and that of course didn’t work. Then I thought, “What would I tell a patient to do?” Increased the workouts, eat even better, drink more water and that didn’t satisfy. So I thought I’ll try church. I don’t know how, but I found myself sitting in the very back corner, in the chair closest to the exit door of Pastor Thom’s church. With all my heart, body and soul I absolutely hated the worship music (it was longest 30 minutes of my life). I despised the people because someone would always be crying and people standing and raising their hands but I did find the preaching to be interesting and even applicable to my life. Even though, I still couldn’t always show up for church because saving my soul once a week was too much of burden, it takes effort to recover from the previous night’s fun. But when I did I actual make into church I would literally type out the main point of Pastor’s sermon in my digital day timer thinking if I apply them to my life; I’ll be a better therapist. If I was a better therapist, then people would like me more and I’d make more money and then I’ll be happy. I was using church as my own Gary Robbins self improvement course. But, I was still a Loooser!!

By the way I still have those notes.

Life continued to spiral downward even more and so onward I went to the next step: counseling. I knew I wouldn’t go to anybody I referred patients to in the 10 years of my practice because I never saw any changes in anybody that I desired to have. So I approached my own Gary Robbins, Pastor Thom.

February 9th, 1998 was the life changing day. I found myself physically and psychologically broken on the office floor weeping like a child before a great man of God, the one we call Pastor. It was Pastor Thom who introduced me to the ONE whom saved me: JESUS CHRIST. Up until this point I never cried. But after that day for over a year I cried every single time I went to church. It didn’t matter if it was a Sunday service or a mid-week congregational business meeting, I would cry. GOD was doing a work in me and people just got use to it; “Hey there’s Tim, pass him the Kleenex.” Today, I can shed a tear just starring at the awesome gift of having a bible believing, tongue talking, laying on hands healing, prophesying wife and I’ve been also known to ball out loud during the odd movie.

That day Pastor showed me what the bible says in the book of Romans, Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death… (Do understand what that means? When you work you get paid, and hopefully paid with money. When you work for sin you also get paid. But your payment is: DEATH. In my case my sin led to the death of my child. Eventually it would have been the death of me. Both physically but more important Spiritually, which means dead for eternity, in this life and the next.)

Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

When ever you see the word “but” it always negates whatever precedes it. It’s like when someone apologizes to you, and then says, “BUT”. It doesn’t matter how good their apology was it is made worthless. “ I’m really; really sorry I offended you but….” If you’re so sorry take responsibility and don’t make excuses. “ I am really sorry I hurt you, how can I make it up to you?” Once you say “but,” your apology is nil and void. It’s the same principle in this verse. For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Instead or working for sin and receive death as payment now I work for Jesus I get GOD’s payment and HE’s paying with life forever and ever and ever.

And this never-ending life that Romans 6:23 talks about started the day I became a Christian and will continue forever in heaven with my son.

And that is what I wanted all along: a LIFE. A genuine, authentic life, one that is worth living.

So, I confessed my sins on February 9, 1998, all my sins, small and big. With fluid flowing from every orifice of my head which at this point was stuck to Pastor’s carpet, I did this not just in front of Pastor but before GOD and believed in HIM and HIS SON JESUS CHRIST in whom I gave over my life.

Pastor showed me another verse; in fact he made me memorize this one because I couldn’t forgive myself.

TURN TO: 1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins HE is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

And from that moment it was as if a large weight had been removed from my spirit. I felt like I could breathe again. I didn’t fully understand it but I didn’t care something inside of me was different. I have been given a freedom. A freedom from guilt and condemnation, a freedom to live again.

I should have been punished for what I had done. But Jesus loves me so much He took my payment of death for my sin and as HIS punishment for me, HE died on the cross instead of me. Then on top of that he beats death by coming back to life, forever, and through HIM I’m made free so I can live forever with HIM! Now I am not saying I don’t have troubles. God does not promise a life without troubles and trials but what He does promise, is He will not leave me or abandon me.

So now when I’m on the motorcycle and where I use to just blow pass somebody to prove I’m better, now I am able to just cruse and enjoy the ride because the IMAGE doesn’t satisfy me, God satisfies me. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy dragging my knees through corners but now I do it for me, just for the fun of it.

Today I live with a peace that comes from no man or image or worldly thing, but only comes from GOD. There is a line in a worship song that says, “The world didn’t give it and the world can’t take it away.” God gives the victory that only comes from knowing His Son, Jesus Christ.

And that is where my excitement and passion comes from.

Luke 7:47 Therefore, I tell you, his many sins have been forgiven--for he loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

I don’t cry about my testimony because of the things I’ve done but because of GOD’s grace. The grace HE showed me when HE forgave everything I did. And that’s why I have to raise my arms to HIM in praise. Also, because I sing so badly I’m making up for the awful noise emanating from my mouth. Why do you think I sit behind Pastor in church because I know he’ll forgive me for my singing. The truth is, I feel, I want to give HIM my whole body not just my voice. Some will loose their voice for cheering for the Buffalo Bills I choose to loose it for GOD. Just wait until I start flagging during worship.

Now, I didn’t get saved until I was 29 years old and I thought starting from square one Christianity at this stage of life was almost hopeless. I had to re-learn how to reason, how to think through and handle situations. I couldn’t do things the way I use to, I was a new creation. There were a ton of issues to resolve and get healed from. I still wanted all the traditional things in life: like a wife, kids and a home. And I still wanted to do things for GOD but I thought it was too late.

But Joel 2:25 says:

Joel 2:25 I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten.

Well, to bring you up to date, March 1, 1998, approximately one month after my conversion, I was baptized. Sometime during that spring GOD supernaturally healed me from cursing literally over night, which by this point was my normal vocabulary that I couldn’t control. Then in late August of 1998 against my book keeper and account’s advice that my business wouldn’t survive, I cut my practice in half, and went back to school to get a University degree in Theology. During those years of me in school and only working 50% of my regular clinic hours, my business was threatened with a law suet over a lease contract with a large corporation. But, I remained faithful to GOD in my tithes and offerings and HE was faithful to me. HE provided the money and neither of my clinics missed one pay check for the staff and we never were late on a single bill. And that is a testimony to GOD’s faithfulness with finances. A short time later GOD showed me that the way I viewed my earthly father was the same way I was viewing HIM. It took along time but eventually I could forgive my dad and ask for forgiveness of not being the son I should have been. Some might look at my dad and me and say what we have is not so much but today I can say publicly, I love my dad. And now we do things together and I’m proud of the things he does.

The girl who I had a child with, I am very happy to say she through her own struggles found GOD and is also happily married in a Christian relationship.

In 2001 and 2002 I traveled into the back bush of Haiti with a mission group doing medical missions. I literally carried a 70L backpack filled with medical gear and we would trek sometimes from village to village bringing rice, preaching the gospel and I would treat the sick.

I have been married now 2 years, 2 months and 8 days and Sharon and I have traveled literally to the extreme opposite side of the globe and many points in between. We have almost destroyed Sharon’s knees summating seven mountains in our marriage, 2 of which were the two tallest mountains this side of the Rockies. We have reached speeds of over 200kms on the motorcycle, we have become scuba certified in Thailand and just yesterday accepted an offer to buy a new home where I can have a home based practice and at the same time raise our children. Our prayer is we will be a light in our new neighborhood and that our home will be your home.

Despite my 29 years resisting GOD, HE didn’t resist me. GOD is patient beyond our understanding and is faithful in whatever HE says. I truly feel like I have not missed a day in my life. I can’t wait to see what GOD has planned for us as the body of Christ.

Tim